24 July 2009
The Need To Be Heard
Posted by robgraham under: Uncategorized .
My wife and I often wonder if we may have missed our true careers in life — that of being psychotherapists. I doubt we’re the only ones, but it seems that we often find ourselves in situations where total strangers feel a need to share with us the sordid and decidedly private portions of their lives.
Just this morning, while waiting at a garage for my car to get inspected, a woman in the waiting room managed to fill me in on the details of her failed marriage and how her ex-husband is still stressing her out nine years after the fact. This wasn’t information I needed, but I was able to share some empathetic nods and to listen to her story and offer suggestions of support. Like I said, this type of thing is fairly common for me. I have heard more than my share of horror stories of messed up marriages, dysfunctional children, drug and alcohol abuse stories, sexual proclivity, and other aspects of the human psyche that generally serve as a reminder that my life is going pretty well. I guess I should be happy I have one of those faces that look friendly and approachable.
I’ve known for many years people need to have other people to talk to in order to process the things that overwhelm them personally. The growth of the field of psychology has provided a number of professional outlets for being able to deal with personal trauma but the reality of our social lives as humans is that we will often turn to the nearest person in order to share our pain and effort to find solace and understanding.
We’re also seeing a similar type of “over sharing” in the social media space. I’m often surprised (and sometimes amused) with the types of things that my Facebook and twitter friends decide to share with the world. While I’ve never considered myself an overly private guy, I have a pretty good sense of what I feel is just too personal to share with a list of friends and acquaintances.
However, from a behavioral monitoring standpoint, social media tools are a fascinating collection of the human psyche in action. Whether the comments are appropriate, inappropriate, vapid, spot on, or just plain weird, they help to paint a picture of not only the individuals involved but of human beings in general.
Consistent throughout all the messages populating my Facebook and Twitter streams is the visceral need many of us have to be able to share what we think is important and meaningful with others.
We all have people in our lives who served as our touchstones. These are the people who we call when good and bad things happen to us — our parents, best friends, spouses, etc.
However, very few of us have people we can turn to when really tragic things are happening to us. For example, discussing marital difficulties with even close friends is often a nonstarter because most people us don’t want their friends to choose sides and end up hating their significant others, they generally just want to vent for a moment. On the other hand, a total stranger is sometimes the perfect venue for discussing something so private because they can only remain objective if they don’t know you or your spouse.
Sometimes it’s the anonymity of social media settings and the opportunity to express our fears and our hopes that makes it work. I think it’s also important to remember that in spite of how we present ourselves in public, most of us have a fragile side that also needs recognition from time to time. Sometimes, the solution people want most of all is just to have someone else hear them.